More on Multitudinous Thoughts

Continuing with my thoughts about the multitudinous tasks of life, ie. the daily grind, I have often found myself wondering, "is this what I was made for? is this why I'm here?" By the way, contrary to what my husband thought, I did not make this word up.

When Ryan and I were dating and newly married, we would daydream of the places God would take us, the kinds of people we would serve and serve with. Ways He would use us for His glory, as we rose triumphantly to the challenges He placed before us, making His name known whilst building a fantastic photographic portfolio of our adventures in evangelism and wine pairings. Very Amy Charmichael-meets-Dave Ramsey, isn't it? I was very ready to sacrifice for God, but only the things I chose to give. I am not unlike the rich man that asks Jesus what he has to do to be born again. Jesus calls him to give away the very thing he won't.

It took almost 8 years for me to realize I was putting working for God before God himself. He has brought on us unexpected circumstances and rearranged my life plan, in which He's shown me He doesn't need me, but it is I who need Him. He hasn't done it through extreme tragedy, overcoming the odds or persevering through the challenges of change. Apparently, the normal, comfortable monotony of our season of life is enough to strip me of my pride and expose my selfishness. Oswald Chambers speaks what my heart feels on those really hard, draining, Groundhog Day-esque days: "Sometimes it is not the difficulty of life but the drudgery of it that makes me think God will forsake me. When there is no major difficulty to overcome, no vision from God, nothing wonderful or or beautiful - just the everyday activities of life - do I hear God's assurance even in these?" (June 4)

Eight years is a long time to figure out that a situation is what it is, and it's not going to change. Eight years is a long time to wonder if there will ever be more. Eight years is a long time to waste. This is my life. And God can speak to me and use me and change me in my daily dishwasher-emptying time as easily as He could if I were in some exotic land. The question I have learned to ask myself is, "am I willing to hear Him?" Do I hear him while I'm folding laundry? Training a child for the 100th time? Burning supper? Carpooling? Flooding my bathroom?

God has softened my heart and changed my prayer from "deliver me from this hour!" to "deliver me in this hour!" And when all the hours sometimes feel the same, I am praying constantly. Which, I see now, is the whole idea.

"We are not meant to be seen as God's perfect bright shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. Drudgery is the test of genuine character." (June 15, Utmost)