Uncle!

Today at 4:00pm, instead of dropping off the kids at my parents' house and breezing up to Flat Rock with Ryan and 120 of our closest friends for two nights for a retreat/getaway/marriage conference, I found myself en route to Target to get two Tamiflu prescriptions filled for the girls and crying on the phone to my mom that we were currently not arriving at their house because Kate has the flu. But she had the flu mist! Apparently, she is Dr. Few's first patient of the year to get the flu mist and still end up with the flu. And I may have been in shock, but I think, think he said she is the only patient he's ever had to get the flu with the mist. 

Not only are we not going on the retreat, Nancy, Ryan and I have to go on medication to help minimize the effects the flu would have on us should we get it. Nancy had a flushot...but we know how reliable those things are! And Ryan and I, well....we are neither pregnant, elderly or have immune deficiencies, so we'd rather use the $50 we'd pay for a flu shot for other things (like broken wrists?) I've had a strange feeling I couldn't shake all day that something bad was going to happen. I actually did call Ryan and say "I told you so." Not very wifely, huh? See God?!?! We really did need the marriage retreat!

It's really worst case scenario, to me at least. A really hard week, with Ryan's moving "home" to work and the energy and stress over getting Kate's wrist taken care of, and now we can't go on this wonderful trip that we have been looking forward to for...oh, 6 months. When I think we deserve it. Doesn't God think we deserve it? Doesn't He owe us for the pain and stress and exhaustion that we have been enduring for the past....6 weeks? 2 months? 4 months? I think back to October 13, and my life hasn't been the same since then. Just one thing after another. I feel like one of "those" families, where whatever bad thing can possibly happen most often does. And not necessarily tragic "bad", more like inconvenient, "oh, I'm so sorry" kind of bad. I personally like to call it "are you KIDDING ME?" bad. In that light, I don't feel like I have credibility where suffering is concerned, but have learned through the years that trials are trials no matter how big or small, and they all have to be overcome by trusting the Savior.

So now that some of my anger (that's always my first emotion when things don't go my way) and disappointment is gone, how am I going to trust my Savior? He obviously wants to keep us home for a reason. I must lay down my sense of entitlement for that reason, and trust that He has something much more wonderful for us than a weekend of, as our friends have put it, "sex, ping pong, and big breakfasts". (See, they are so funny!) I am going to miss the teaching, the fellowship with dear friends and making new ones, the time with Ryan, and time for myself. How can what God has be more wonderful that 2 days of that?!? I must tell myself that it is, even if it is learning through this process and the reward is simply more of God and less of me in our relationship. Oh, that I could treasure that above all worldly things! 

You might be judging me for being a horrible mother at this point: my daughter has the flu, how can I not show any concern for her and her health?! Let me say, her fever was 102.6 at 2:30pm today, was 98.9 at 3:30, and hasn't gone up since then. The doctor said we definitely caught it early, the next 48 hours will probably get worse before it gets better, but also said that since she had the mist plus the relenza, she should have a very mild case. See? I'm trying to look for the bright side. We've posted a video below to show you how she's holding up. You be the judge.

Our Kate a Daredevil?

We had lunch with some dear friends, the Hall family, on Tuesday. After lunch the girls went outside to play on the playground in the backyard, and Tonya and I chatted while they played around. Kate, being a firstborn and a girl, is a cautious thing. She hollers for help "just in case" she looses her grip hanging off of anything or jumping from anything, even her bathroom stool! So, when she fell off the  monkey bars and landed flat on her back and broke her wrist, I was truly shocked!! It knocked the wind out of her and she had a hard time catching her breath, and after that she complained of her belly, back and wrist hurting. After she calmed down, I asked her what she was doing when she fell, and she said she was reaching for the third monkey bar and her arm wasn't long enough and she lost her grip. I was amazed that she even jumped off the platform, let alone tried to go across. If she's anything like me, she'll never go on the monkey bars again! She could move her hand, but couldn't put pressure on it, so after sipping tea with Tonya and keeping and eye on Kate for about an hour, we left, called the nurse, put Nancy down for a nap, and went to the radiologist for xrays. It is a buckle fracture on her radius, we returned later that evening for them to put a splint on and we have an appointment to get a hard cast put on her left wrist on Monday morning. A pink one. Hot pink. With butterflies, if they can do that.

She'll only need the cast for a couple of weeks, which is great, and she is so pumped about showing people and telling the story and letting friends sign it. She asked why people sign casts, and I tried to explain that not everyone breaks their arm and gets one, and a broken bone is a bigger deal than a scrape and a bandaid (most of the time), so lots of people ask questions and once they hear her story, want to be part of it in some way. Signing the cast is a way to be a part of that story. So if we see you, I'm sure you'll be asked to be a "part of the story". I've been notified I need to keep a marker in my purse so we can have it "just in case we see someone who hasn't signed it and wants to be part of my story". 

We'll have pictures of the cast up next week!

Reality

Reality: One paycheck since January 16.

Reality: Ryan will be working from home for 3 months.

Reality: We are okay, even if God asks us to do crazy things.

January 20th, Ryan called me from work and said that they company he works for has no money in the bank and will have to let 4 of their 6 remaining employees go and the remaining two (Ryan and one other) have a job "as long as they want it."  What that means is Ryan has a job but not a paycheck. Potential clients are being extra cautious and exceptionally slow in choosing to give anyone their business. He has continued to go into the office, and they have been feverishly pitching jobs to potential clients that all react very positively to the proposals, but everything is just hanging out there and are just waiting for something to break. 

I'm finally writing about this because, first of all, written words make it more real to me. Secondly, Ryan called from work today and said yes, no matter if they get 4 new jobs in this week, by March 2 they will be working out of their homes for 3 months. 3. Months. It's an effort to save on overhead, which I think is wise, and I am thankful for the councel they have been given and the discernment they have to take care of their employees. We've been talking about this possibility for a month, and Ryan has slowly been moving his stuff home from the office and parked his desk, a bookshelf and cabinet in our bedroom, but the reality that he will be working in our bedroom during the day while I am out in the living room with the girls doing our daily thing....I kind of felt like I fell into a big hole someone dug on the beach that I had seen from a distance earlier in my walk, but thought "oh, that's a ways away, I'll worry about it when I get closer to it" and BAM, hole. It just was closer and bigger than I thought it was going to be.  What are we going to do? How is this going to work? What will we have to change? How will the girls deal with it? How can we make it fun? How will I take it seriously, that he really does have work to do...even though the whole reason he's working from home is because there is no work?!? It will be summertime in 3 months! And in 3 months, will we finally have a steady paycheck?

At first I felt like I had to conjure up panic and despair, because that is what people do when news like this hits. That's what we've done in the past. After we decided it was silly to get worked up because that's what our flesh would do, we realized that God has really given us a supernatural ability to rest in Him. Don't be fooled, though. I did have one day of total despair and fear and brokenness and cried during a date at dinner the entire time (to the point I had to leave before the bill came, and Ryan said the waitress treated him like she was sure he served me divorce papers!). I have had days when I've been short with the girls because we've been so tired talking about all of our options and what we feel like God is leading us to do, and it's been difficult to lay down the money and our dreams and trust that God has a better idea of how to spend it. I think a some dirt and seeds for a vegetable garden is not an extravagant request, but I am having to lay it down at His feet and trust that He has a perfect plan for us and if a vegetable garden is part of it, that will come when He sees fit, not according to my timetable. That is, though a bit superficial, just one example of many things we are having to hold very loosely. 

And reality is, I am glad that Jesus is reality, and that He holds all reality in his hands.  He is not surprised that any of this is happening because he is so powerful and omnicient, and He also wants to give us good things  - I just have to keep reminding myself that those "good things" may not be the things on my list that I think qualify as good. 

One night Ryan and I were talking and remembering all the ways God has been faithful in the past to provide for us and how He will continue to do that for us now. The scary part is, God is faithful even if we don't get a paycheck for a long, long time. And He is faithful even if we think we need something right now, but don't receive it.  He is still faithful and still providing even if our bank account is in peril. Ryan's put his resume out there, had an interview that turned into nothing, and continues to seek and pray what we should be doing, but God just seems to keep saying "wait." When the entire course of our marriage has had the undercurrent of financial strain and stress, sometimes quiet and managable and other times overwhelming to the point of drowning, God is saying "wait" ?!?!? He really is crazy. And we are crazy, too, for being okay with His "wait".

SheNANigans Turns Two

Nancy's birthday was the 17th, and we had family and the McGowans over for dinner and presents on the 18th. I was really excited about her birthday, just because it was fun buying stuff just for her, and making her dirt pie just for her, and serving shredded cheese because I knew she'd love it....sometimes I deal with the "second child guilt" of not spending as much time with her as I did when Kate was Nancy's age. I know she's not thinking she's getting the raw end of the deal, but I know I'm not giving her all I've got, so I had so much fun thinking about her and her little life and what she has added to our family and loving on her the way her two-year-old self likes to be loved on.

I don't remember Kate really getting the present thing by two, but Nancy was all in, and even jumped up and down a few times saying "I so excited! I so excited!" She didn't seem to get tired of opening them, either, and kept saying "pesent! i onna openit! i onna openit!" She kept us laughing all evening, she is such a funny girl. I was also really glad to share the night with all four of the McGowans, and they kept their boys here for the whole ordeal, which lasted until after 8 o'clock. It is so fun to see Cohen in the background (who until recently Nancy called "co-wee", but now she says it right and kinda makes Emily and me sad) and Cort running between Kate and Nancy checking out all Nancy's new goods.  You can hear Cort in the video below and see Emily holding Cohen in the background. 

And pay no attention to the giant bow on Nan's noggin. I couldn't find our small pink bow, so I used one of Kate's and Ryan gave me a hard time. Some kids look fine in the big bows, but our kids just look ridiculous for some reason. Maybe it's because the bow has only a few hairs to hang on. I apologize, Nancy.

"Messy hayunds"

Nancy wanted to wear all of her new clothes and "dayunce". Below is a video of her putting on her new dress and dancing, ever so subtley, for my mom.

It's a Miracle!

Tonight at church the kids' lesson was the miracle of Jesus turning water into wine. In her class, Kate made a pitcher with "wine" spilling out of it, which she showed to Ryan when he picked her up:

K: Hey, look Daddy!  That's wine coming out of the pitcher. Maybe I'll ask Mommy if she wants to try it. She might need some."

Happy Birthday Nancy Rose!!

Yeah! I am so excited about Nan's birthday this year, for some reason. It has been fun to plan for it and really, really fun buying her presents. Maybe that's because we have all the clothes and toys we could ever need already, so whatever we choose to buy is what we know she'll love, no matter how impractical (like 5 sticker books of 500 stickers each. I think I'm going to regret that.)

Since we didn't have the camera until last Christmas, we only have a small amount of digital photos of Nancy Rose tiny, so I included my favorite one, and then added some cute and funny ones just for sentimentality's sake. We feel like she's always been a part of our family and she's been around forever, even though it has been the fastest two years of our life so far! 

I'm interested to see how year #3 shapes up...she's very opinionated (that's the grandparent way of saying demanding) and gets very upset when we change our mind or tell her we are going to do something else (again, a nice way to put "whiny" and "she throws mega tantrums"). But thankfully, whether it's grace or experience or both, we seem to be able to laugh in the middle of an "opinionated upset" and see the forest, not the trees.

We love you Nancy Rose!!!

"New" Nancy, in a bassinet loaned from Emily and a blanket from Sara Fowler. This blanket is Nancy's favorite, her "night night".

Jim Halpert hair.

"What? Something on my mouth? Where?"

Last May, our peonies bloomed HUGE! To prove it, we took this picture!

5 months

1 Year Portrait

Eating her first birthday cake.

This was her first birthday cake, and I'm posting this mainly for Emily, who I'm not sure I ever showed her a picture of how the cake turned out before it was cut. Em loaned me her Wilton cake stuff  and  I pieced together a cake that (sort of) looked like Belle. At the very least, the birthday girl recognized it as a puppy and that was all I was after. 

Hall of Fame

Last Thursday Ryan and I drove down to Myrtle Beach to join my dad, mom, and grandmother (my mom's mom, Monie) for a ceremony for the South Carolina Aviation Association. My grandfather, Maj. Gen. Jones E. Bolt (who I called Papa) was inducted into the South Carolina Aviation Hall of Fame. It is hard to do his accomplishments justice with the limited amount of time I have to blog with the kids running around my feet, but I had to get the experience recorded and let those of you who don't already know what an amazing career he had. 

Papa went to Clemson and graduated in 1942. He married my grandmother Polly in 1943, and went to England as a pilot. He flew 15 missions and on his 15th in April of 1944, he was forced to evacuate his plane near Paris and he was taken captive by the Germans. He was sent to a POW camp near Sagan, Germany and he wasn't released until April of 1945.

After the war he went to Aircraft Engineering School, and in 1948 he and some friends formed  the Acrojets, the first aviation acrobatic team, but due to the Korean War had to take hiatus. It was picked back up as what most people are familiar with today, the Thunderbirds.   From here my memory fails me, because he spent the better part of 20 years going all over the place, training other pilots, and eventually earned the rank of a Major General, by 1965.  Click on the link and it should tell you more if you wish to know. Instead, I'll tell you his story is fascinating, and my dad has enough stories of growing up an Air Force kid to fill a book. I never thought it was strange that my dad taught me to count from 1 to 10 in Japanese when I was younger until I realized that not all parents have the same story that he does. Not all parents spent a few grade school years in Okinawa. Not all kids meet their grandparents arriving in their own plane at the airport. I think I kinda knew that was cool, but didn't get how really, really cool that was.

Last May, Dad decided to send in an application on Papa's behalf to the SC Aviation Association, because he, as do all of us, felt like Papa and his career is worth recognizing and honoring. It was such a great memory to make with my family, and am so thankful we got the chance to go. Thanks to Kelly Keever and the McGowans for keeping the kids for us so we could have a bit of peace and quiet, too! 

Dad and his older brother, Bob, with Papa's plaque. It's a very cool holographic photograph that changes from the picture you see to one of Papa when he was much younger dressed in his pilot's gear beside his plane. My dad's oldest brother, Manning, was not able to make it to the ceremony, and my grandmother Polly is in a nursing home.

Ryan, Monie, Me, Mom, Sara (my cousin), Kathy, and in the back, Dad and Uncle Bob.

Most of Papa's story I heard in bits and pieces over my life, mostly at tailgates and a few holidays while he was talking to someone else. I never really thought much about it, just that he kept telling the same stories over and over. It wasn't until after he died that all the pieces were put together for me, and I understood the magnitude of what he did and who he was. To me, he was just Papa, who never missed a Clemson home game, talked a lot about airplanes and people he knew, gave great hugs, and ate more ice cream that I thought was humanly possible. And I guess he always will be Papa to me.  But now he's way more than "just Papa".