Not Our Home

We sold our house in a day. 

After 6 months of sweat and tears and money and exhaustion, it was finally ready to put on the market. And just like that, it was gone. No longer our home. Full of inspectors and agents and appraisals, people coming in and out, turning out the wrong lights when they leave. And I find myself getting defensive of our home, annoyed at all the intruders making appointments to get in, wanting to hold it close, keep it ours for as long as we can. But we have it in writing - it is no longer ours to keep, and we have given the buyers full rights to explore and discover their new home...even though all of our stuff still fills it.

And there is no new home for us to turn expectantly to. It is that moment of faith, when one must let go in order to grasp the next thing, our hands empty as we fly in mid-air, praying that we will see the help to come, grab firm and move forward. We must turn expectantly, not to a home, but to the Lord, and depend. Ultimately, all of life is dependence. 

At least that's what I try to remind myself. Not for the sake of over-spiritualizing the process, because there are tons of practical things that we have to think about, pay for, talk about, pray about, decide on, pay for...but when I feel I'm at my wits end, and nothing has changed about our circumstance despite the paying, talking, deciding, thinking, paying and praying, God always brings me back to the reality that this world is not my home. And although the spot where we lay our heads at night may be transient for a season, that is not a bad, or scary thing. It actually may be a really awesome, exciting thing - IF. If we will trust Him. And believe he loves us. And live like He loves us and will take care of us. 

"The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world" - Bonhoeffer

When Life Gives You a Felled Tree...

.....burn it.

We had planned all along to camp out in the backyard Friday. We have some friends who are moving that gave us their fire pit, because they'll need a much bigger one where they are going. We were so excited about roasting hot dogs and marshmallows (separately) over flame, that we did not consider how to get the flame started. Thankfully, God is always a few steps ahead and used a micro-burst to topple a 40 foot pine in our backyard, which left us with an abundance of limbs and kindling for our roast.

The pine tree, resting on branches of other trees in the yard. I've always wanted this one taken out, because it's right in the middle of our "garden".

Our campsite. 

Lightening Bugs

Roasting marshmallows. The ginormous ones. 

Ginormous. The s'more, not the girl.

A ginormous mess. 

See the logs? Perfect for sitting around a campfire. 

More lightening bugs. 

Two out of 5 of us ended up sleeping in the tent. We had some kicking of the face, so I ended up staying inside with the littles while Ryan and Kate slept outside. We kept telling ourselves "quantity not quality", because there was lots of craziness, borderline yelling, distraction, not listening...to which we began to question "why are we doing this? this is not fun!" But to the kids, it was. If I just thought of it like practicing for real camping, I was able to keep my cool. So we powered through and did make some great memories. 

As for the tree, we had Todd from Upstate Arborists (who I cannot say enough good things about) come and finish cutting it down, and Ryan is slowly trimming and bundling. He did 17 bundles of limbs Saturday, and is about halfway finished. I am very proud and inspired by the way he did it so happily. Does it sound like I took the felled tree in stride? Think again. It was one of many things last week that just about sent me over the edge. It was Father's Day weekend, and I think I felt more anger and entitlement than he did. I was complaining for him: "I mean, you should be relaxing, doing something fun!" In turn, he says to me, "yeah, but this is my favorite place to be, whether it's relaxing or working." That kind of contentment in the sovereignty of God and his "lot" in life gives me the peace to know that with God, there isn't anything we can't handle, big or small. I am thankful for a loving, patient and fun loving man to endure the trials with!