Not Our Home

We sold our house in a day. 

After 6 months of sweat and tears and money and exhaustion, it was finally ready to put on the market. And just like that, it was gone. No longer our home. Full of inspectors and agents and appraisals, people coming in and out, turning out the wrong lights when they leave. And I find myself getting defensive of our home, annoyed at all the intruders making appointments to get in, wanting to hold it close, keep it ours for as long as we can. But we have it in writing - it is no longer ours to keep, and we have given the buyers full rights to explore and discover their new home...even though all of our stuff still fills it.

And there is no new home for us to turn expectantly to. It is that moment of faith, when one must let go in order to grasp the next thing, our hands empty as we fly in mid-air, praying that we will see the help to come, grab firm and move forward. We must turn expectantly, not to a home, but to the Lord, and depend. Ultimately, all of life is dependence. 

At least that's what I try to remind myself. Not for the sake of over-spiritualizing the process, because there are tons of practical things that we have to think about, pay for, talk about, pray about, decide on, pay for...but when I feel I'm at my wits end, and nothing has changed about our circumstance despite the paying, talking, deciding, thinking, paying and praying, God always brings me back to the reality that this world is not my home. And although the spot where we lay our heads at night may be transient for a season, that is not a bad, or scary thing. It actually may be a really awesome, exciting thing - IF. If we will trust Him. And believe he loves us. And live like He loves us and will take care of us. 

"The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world" - Bonhoeffer