Even So

"All his life Joash did what was pleasing in the Lord's sight because Jehoiada the priest instructed him. Yet even so, he did not destroy the pagan shrines and the people still offered sacrifices and burned incense there." 2 Kings 12:2,3

I wonder what my "even so's" are? Am I pleasing to the Lord? Do I really care to be? Is that how I approach my days, with the goal in mind to please Him? 

All her life, Molly did what was pleasing in the Lord's sight...yet even so, she did not let go of her control and worry of provision and safety of the future. Yet even so, she did not stop comparing herself to other women and their bodies, minds and holiness, refusing to accept the Lord's good gift of her uniqueness in Him and harboring envy and pride in her heart. Yet even so, she did not destroy her idol of comfort and ease, so she still tried to serve two masters - herself and God. 

Like Joash, will I sell myself out to other rulers in my life in order to preserve my kingdom? Joash served the Lord at periods in his life, but in the end he was assassinated by his own officials, buried "in the City of David, but not in the royal cemetery." (2 Chron. 24:25)  Basically, Joash was close, but didn't quite make it into the category of "one after the Lord's heart." I can't help but wonder if that "because Jehoiada the priest instructed him" part has something to do with the fact that Joash's faith wasn't really his - he was just following someone's lead, doing what they said was appropriate, making offerings to the Lord with his stuff, but not with his heart. He didn't let God own him; he tried to keep parts to himself. We cannot serve two masters. Does Jesus say "I never knew you" to Joash? What will Jesus say to me?

How exhausted Joash must have been, trying to preserve his own life and kingdom while at the same time offering sacrifices to a God who he did not completely believe or trust. He just worshipped because someone told him that's what a good king does. 

Am I worshipping God because that's what a good girl does? What "even so's" do I need the Spirit to purge from my heart? How exhausting it can be, working to hold onto my kingdom while claiming to belong to another! 

"From beginning to end it is always his word and his call, his alone. If we follow Christ, cling to his word, and let everything else go, it will see us through the day of judgement. His word is his grace." (Bonhoeffer, Cost of Discipleship)