Giving Birth to a House

Moving is eerily similar to having a baby. After 9 months of home repair and 2.5 months of house-on-the-market-sold-in-a-day-twice-changed-closing-dates-craziness, my emotions are fried, my house is a wreck (sure hope our current buyer doesn't read this) and our kids are out of control. The recent scenes in my house remind me of the weeks leading up to introducing a new family member into the fold. Don't believe me? Here's my list.

1. My back hurts. But instead of carrying a growing body in my own, I am carrying all of our junk. Or cleaning all of our junk. Or purging all of our junk.

2. I buy things that I think will make my life easier. Like giant Sharpies (I call him "Richard"). With a new baby, I'm collecting crib sheets, diapers on sale, and freezing casseroles. With the move, I am buying storage bins, reams of bubble wrap and packing tape, bagel bites and wine.

3. The kids begin to sniff change in the air, and take complete advantage of their parents being tired and distracted.

4. There is a crazy imbalance between nesting furiously and sleeping 12 hours a day. One moment I am full of energy, getting through my list at lightening speed. The next day, I could be so tired the only thing I can do is sleep and eat, ignoring the fact that a major life change is happening. #3, above, is a huge side effect of this vacillation.

5. We get stuff from people. But instead of bumbos and baby swings, lovies and diaper ointment, people bring boxes. What we thought were enough boxes. It turns out, you can never have enough. (like diapers! See, people?? Uncanny the similarities....)

6. Loved ones ask lots of questions out of true concern and interest. A lot of the same questions, which I get tired of answering because I give the same answers. Much like answering questions about the anticipated new baby. It's sometimes just a reminder that you are close, but not quite there yet, talking about someone/thing that hasn't made it to it's complete fruition, and you are not sure you have the energy to make deal really go down:

• Due date/closing date questions
• Gender/location questions
• Breast vs. bottle/school zoning questions
• Nursery theme/inside decor questions

7. If you have ever been pregnant, you know that point in the pregnancy* when things fall to the floor and you just shrug your shoulders and either walk away, call for one of the other kids to pick it up, or let the dog in to eat it? I am at that point with the house. I can't risk my back muscles on food that's fallen on the floor. I have to be very strategic about what I bend over and pick up, and popcorn just isn't worth my energy.

8. We have a moving/packing plan, not unlike a birth plan you take to the hospital and submit to your OBGYN. And like the birth plan, you make this schedule, knowing in the back of your head it's not really going to look like this. Much like when you hand your birth plan to a medical professional, beaming with pride because you figured out exactly how it will go and your response to different scenarios, and said medical professional takes the plan, says a breathy, smirky, Chandler-like "hokay", and tucks it into that black-hole of a medical file, never to be seen again. And 18 hours later you are being induced, with an epidural and c-section vacuum. 

9. The change brings many emotions and questions: Did we live well in this house? How is it going to effect my kids, this change? Will I be able to handle the new responsibility? And it's also a new adventure for us to go on as a family. But there is much nostalgia attached to the final weeks leading up to moving all that you own from one place to another. The last night you sleep in your home. The last birthday party you have. All the things you love and will miss about living there (ie. having a family of 4 before you add another child) You get me? Regret and anticipation, swirling around amid the tangible tasks and to-dos.

10. On this side of the move, I say passionately and resolvingly, "We will never do this again!!" But unlike with a baby, I haven't yet been on the flip side of a move. And I am old enough to never say never. Because all the money and pain and emotional turmoil and anticipation that goes into bringing a child into this world is all but forgotten just a few months later. When you forget how uncomfortable and painful it was to get your baby here, and you begin to sleep more because they sleep more, and you have that sweet, gummy smile and soft baby head to hold and love, you change your mind and think "I would totally do this again!" But I am going to stick with what I know and say that as far as moving goes, it will take an act of God to get us to be willing to do this again. 

11. You want to show it off to everyone! This person-slash-place you have been talking about for weeks and months, it's finally here! We are so enamored, we are blind to the sleepless nights-slash-green carpet and endless diapers-slash-overgrown yard. We are just thrilled to have made it to this point and share it with others, we don't care what state we-slash-the home are in! At least that's what I hope it's like. So stop by and see us! And bring a casserole.....

*At least, it is if you have pregnancies like I do. If you hit the 37 week mark and can still tie your shoes and bend over to pick things up off the floor, then I'd like to argue that you've never really been pregnant.