Uncle!

Today at 4:00pm, instead of dropping off the kids at my parents' house and breezing up to Flat Rock with Ryan and 120 of our closest friends for two nights for a retreat/getaway/marriage conference, I found myself en route to Target to get two Tamiflu prescriptions filled for the girls and crying on the phone to my mom that we were currently not arriving at their house because Kate has the flu. But she had the flu mist! Apparently, she is Dr. Few's first patient of the year to get the flu mist and still end up with the flu. And I may have been in shock, but I think, think he said she is the only patient he's ever had to get the flu with the mist. 

Not only are we not going on the retreat, Nancy, Ryan and I have to go on medication to help minimize the effects the flu would have on us should we get it. Nancy had a flushot...but we know how reliable those things are! And Ryan and I, well....we are neither pregnant, elderly or have immune deficiencies, so we'd rather use the $50 we'd pay for a flu shot for other things (like broken wrists?) I've had a strange feeling I couldn't shake all day that something bad was going to happen. I actually did call Ryan and say "I told you so." Not very wifely, huh? See God?!?! We really did need the marriage retreat!

It's really worst case scenario, to me at least. A really hard week, with Ryan's moving "home" to work and the energy and stress over getting Kate's wrist taken care of, and now we can't go on this wonderful trip that we have been looking forward to for...oh, 6 months. When I think we deserve it. Doesn't God think we deserve it? Doesn't He owe us for the pain and stress and exhaustion that we have been enduring for the past....6 weeks? 2 months? 4 months? I think back to October 13, and my life hasn't been the same since then. Just one thing after another. I feel like one of "those" families, where whatever bad thing can possibly happen most often does. And not necessarily tragic "bad", more like inconvenient, "oh, I'm so sorry" kind of bad. I personally like to call it "are you KIDDING ME?" bad. In that light, I don't feel like I have credibility where suffering is concerned, but have learned through the years that trials are trials no matter how big or small, and they all have to be overcome by trusting the Savior.

So now that some of my anger (that's always my first emotion when things don't go my way) and disappointment is gone, how am I going to trust my Savior? He obviously wants to keep us home for a reason. I must lay down my sense of entitlement for that reason, and trust that He has something much more wonderful for us than a weekend of, as our friends have put it, "sex, ping pong, and big breakfasts". (See, they are so funny!) I am going to miss the teaching, the fellowship with dear friends and making new ones, the time with Ryan, and time for myself. How can what God has be more wonderful that 2 days of that?!? I must tell myself that it is, even if it is learning through this process and the reward is simply more of God and less of me in our relationship. Oh, that I could treasure that above all worldly things! 

You might be judging me for being a horrible mother at this point: my daughter has the flu, how can I not show any concern for her and her health?! Let me say, her fever was 102.6 at 2:30pm today, was 98.9 at 3:30, and hasn't gone up since then. The doctor said we definitely caught it early, the next 48 hours will probably get worse before it gets better, but also said that since she had the mist plus the relenza, she should have a very mild case. See? I'm trying to look for the bright side. We've posted a video below to show you how she's holding up. You be the judge.