Last night I went to the hospital to see some friends who had a new baby boy. He was so tiny (sort of! he was born 8lb. 15 oz.!) and squished up and pink and warm, and it was so fun to celebrate his arrival with them. I can't wait to see what kind of parents they will be and to watch their son grow up.
But while I was there, I could not help but think about the last time I was in the hospital visiting a baby. It was a year ago today, and I arrived at the hospital with my heart in my throat, shaking hands and my mind racing. The baby was Cohen. It was Cohen's birthday, the day that God had chosen for him to be born. We just didn't know if it was also the day he would choose to take Cohen home to live with Him. We had prayed so many things for him, for Chris and Emily, Cort and their family. It was finally time to see what God had in store. It was a culmination of several months of fear, sadness, helplessness, confusion, but also hope. After the Concert for Cohen in February, I left feeling strangely hopeful instead of mournful and devastated. I felt like I had to explain to myself that it was okay to have hope and not make excuses for feeling so in a time that seemed to call for despair. God is so gracious, to give us the ability to feel the freedom of hope, even when there is none to be found from doctors or ultrasounds or common sense!
I had had dreams that Cohen would be born alive, well, breathing air and full of life. And Chris would come out to the waiting room and say "he's going to be okay." I wanted so desperately for Chris and Em to be spared the pain of losing a son; I learned I had to give that up, and instead desperately long for what God had in store for them in Cohen and pray we could be whatever He needed us to be for them. But, Cohen was born, crying! breathing! full of life! It is a miracle. He is still a miracle! And I get to feed him bottles and read him stories and watch Kate talk sweetly to him and Nancy try not to poke his eyes out. That is a miracle!!! And even though he may not be "healed" the way the world thinks of healing, but he is exactly like God wants him to be, and that is whole and perfect. And here, with us.
I will never forget that day. I will never forget that season of our life. It was the saddest, hardest, scariest thing Ryan and I have been through in our marriage...and it was happening to someone else! Watching Chris and Emily fully embrace the heartache and also fight to fully embrace God, it was a privilege to witness and walk with them through it. And it's also a privilege to know Cohen, and be able to celebrate his life, which brought so much heart change to me and in my family and people all over the country and world. It is a miracle, that God chooses to use us to spread His love and glory. I hope tomorrow night He gets all the glory!! Happy Birthday, Baby Co-ee!!!
In the waiting room, praying and waiting....
The first time we met.
The news: "We need a nursery!"
Cohen's 1 Day Birthday Party!
Painting Cohen's room - I love that Chris got the chance to paint a bit in between NICU visits!
Holding Cohen for the first time.
Cohen's first visit to our house!
New Year's Eve, Nancy "lay down" with "baby Co-ee".
A sneak peek at the miracle, very late one evening.
Kate meets Cohen.
2 comments:
Thank you... thank you.
As i have been for the past year and several months, I don't even know what more to say then that.
Your family's love, support, help, prayers, silence, hugs, smiles, laughter, tears....the list goes on, has shown us God's love in amazing ways.
We love you.
Molly, what a beautiful story from a wonderful friend. It is exciting to think of all the things God has in store for Cohen's life! And I don't even know that sweet boy! Love you! -Shin
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