Year 4 With 3

I can't believe we have lived more years than we have kids since Thomas joined our family. Four years have whizzed by, much like the balls and books and crackers and toys that whizz by my head daily, compliments of our boy. Last year I didn't do a Year 3 with 3 post. I have the notes somewhere, incomplete. That's the story of my life lately - I can't seem to finish much of anything. I think my brain has gotten so used to being interrupted mid-thought that it has forgotten how to carry a thought or idea to completion, so even when I am by myself, it takes me three times longer to do a task than it should or used to. 

There are also a lot of words I absorb during the day and that average continues to increase. I wonder if, like men v. women have an average amount of words spoken per day, people can have a maximum amount of words heard before they begin to shut down mentally? I bet that number is different for extroverts v. introverts (me). And by shut down, I mean in the Goldie-Hawn-in-Overboard kinda way, in the corner of the room babbling nonsense with a vacant stare, while children throw grapes at my face kind of shut down. I know I usually hit a point somewhere between 3 and 4:30 pm where I can no longer genuinely listen and I turn my Mom Response Mode on. "Mmmhmm." "Oh, yeah?" "I see!" "That's great." Some days I hit that point before noon. Those are not our best days. 

That said, over the year I have collected nuggets of childlike observation from my kids. These are from my kids, ages 10, 7 and 3, and most are not my words. Because I no longer have the brain capacity for many words of my own. Some are things said daily, like a personal mantra. Some are moments of sheer hilarity and others are deep insights from intuitive souls that see things in the world very simply. We have had a big year, with the move, and Thomas going from sleeping in a crib to a bed, potty training completely (night time too, by accident because Daddy would forget to put a diaper on at bedtime) and now not even nappping. He's gone from toddler to preschooler very quickly. Too quickly. I am at once celebrating no diapers after a decade of diapering, and mourning no naptime after a decade of naptimes. We are truly entering a season of our family that we have not yet known. And we are really excited about it.

At any rate, here are words from our kids that give a glimpse at what the past year has been like:

"Nancy, where are your glasses?!?!"* 

"Mom, look at what I 'bless you-ed' out of my nose."

"Mom, do you ever feel like crying but you don't know why?"

"Would you rather live in a smelly sock or under water?" 

"Under water."

"Ok...but the water is in the smelly sock...."

"Nancy, come get your glasses!!!"

"No, Thomas, you need to put your hot dog in the trash can not in the potty."

"Mom, you 'member when you were potty trainin' me? And I wore diapers?! I was such a baby."

"MOOOOOOM! Can you WIPE ME?!?!?"

"Thomas, if you are going to pee pee outside, just do it in the backyard."

"Why are mommy butts so squishy?"

"Mom, your gray hair makes me sad. It's like a reminder that you are dying."

Home

Some days our new house feels like home, when the kids rush in the door, dump their junk on the floor and race off playing. Or when I make a meal and we all sit down together to enjoy it. Most days, it does not yet feel like home. One day I found myself crying about the new shower caddy we had to purchase, because all my stuff doesn't fit the way I want it to. And I almost lost my mind the other day, looking for a stack of photos I am positive made it to the new house. We have hung only 2 things on the walls, and one of them is on nails that were already there. But despite those frustrating moments I have (which is really my issue of things not being easy-slash-comfortable, a topic for another post), we spend most of our time thanking God for giving us this gift, and pinching ourselves that He sees fit to allow us to steward it.

Lots of friends out of town have asked for some pics, sorry I had to make you wait! You know, we moved and all. How long can I keep blaming my procrastination on the move, like a mom blames her new baby for stuff?

108 Aberdare Lane!

Walking into front door.

Fancy light switches. The house is full of flair like this.

Standing in the doorway of den (from opposite of above), facing front door.

Living room, dining room. Kitchen is through the door on left.

After we moved in...

Kitchen. Laundry room door is on other side of fridge.

*angels singing* 

Laundry room!

Playroom/Bonus Room. Yes, that carpet is green. Our Ebenezer.

Standing in playroom, you can see through breakfast room, to den.

Breakfast room, ie. "The Cave".

Den. Those are genuine fake beams, folks. 

Den, from sunroom doors.

Sunroom. 

Hallway. It made it in the post because it's super awesome for racing toy cars. And gymnastics.

K room.

T room.

Red bathroom.

Very red.

N room. And the cleanest it has been yet...

"Master" bedroom. Only because the master of the house sleeps here. Not because it's fancy.

"Flesh" bathroom.

Trash pile. Not ours. What was left in the yard. And this is Pile 2 of 3. 

Yard waste pile. Our 2nd largest one to date.

The yard actually warrants it's own post, or 3. It's outta control. I have some funny before and after pics, as in "before" spring, and "after" spring. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, and sometimes we picture the previous owners just sipping sweet tea on their balcony, laughing deviously and murmuring, "Good luck with that wisteria, mwaahaaahaaahaaaaa!"

Giving Birth to a House

Moving is eerily similar to having a baby. After 9 months of home repair and 2.5 months of house-on-the-market-sold-in-a-day-twice-changed-closing-dates-craziness, my emotions are fried, my house is a wreck (sure hope our current buyer doesn't read this) and our kids are out of control. The recent scenes in my house remind me of the weeks leading up to introducing a new family member into the fold. Don't believe me? Here's my list.

1. My back hurts. But instead of carrying a growing body in my own, I am carrying all of our junk. Or cleaning all of our junk. Or purging all of our junk.

2. I buy things that I think will make my life easier. Like giant Sharpies (I call him "Richard"). With a new baby, I'm collecting crib sheets, diapers on sale, and freezing casseroles. With the move, I am buying storage bins, reams of bubble wrap and packing tape, bagel bites and wine.

3. The kids begin to sniff change in the air, and take complete advantage of their parents being tired and distracted.

4. There is a crazy imbalance between nesting furiously and sleeping 12 hours a day. One moment I am full of energy, getting through my list at lightening speed. The next day, I could be so tired the only thing I can do is sleep and eat, ignoring the fact that a major life change is happening. #3, above, is a huge side effect of this vacillation.

5. We get stuff from people. But instead of bumbos and baby swings, lovies and diaper ointment, people bring boxes. What we thought were enough boxes. It turns out, you can never have enough. (like diapers! See, people?? Uncanny the similarities....)

6. Loved ones ask lots of questions out of true concern and interest. A lot of the same questions, which I get tired of answering because I give the same answers. Much like answering questions about the anticipated new baby. It's sometimes just a reminder that you are close, but not quite there yet, talking about someone/thing that hasn't made it to it's complete fruition, and you are not sure you have the energy to make deal really go down:

• Due date/closing date questions
• Gender/location questions
• Breast vs. bottle/school zoning questions
• Nursery theme/inside decor questions

7. If you have ever been pregnant, you know that point in the pregnancy* when things fall to the floor and you just shrug your shoulders and either walk away, call for one of the other kids to pick it up, or let the dog in to eat it? I am at that point with the house. I can't risk my back muscles on food that's fallen on the floor. I have to be very strategic about what I bend over and pick up, and popcorn just isn't worth my energy.

8. We have a moving/packing plan, not unlike a birth plan you take to the hospital and submit to your OBGYN. And like the birth plan, you make this schedule, knowing in the back of your head it's not really going to look like this. Much like when you hand your birth plan to a medical professional, beaming with pride because you figured out exactly how it will go and your response to different scenarios, and said medical professional takes the plan, says a breathy, smirky, Chandler-like "hokay", and tucks it into that black-hole of a medical file, never to be seen again. And 18 hours later you are being induced, with an epidural and c-section vacuum. 

9. The change brings many emotions and questions: Did we live well in this house? How is it going to effect my kids, this change? Will I be able to handle the new responsibility? And it's also a new adventure for us to go on as a family. But there is much nostalgia attached to the final weeks leading up to moving all that you own from one place to another. The last night you sleep in your home. The last birthday party you have. All the things you love and will miss about living there (ie. having a family of 4 before you add another child) You get me? Regret and anticipation, swirling around amid the tangible tasks and to-dos.

10. On this side of the move, I say passionately and resolvingly, "We will never do this again!!" But unlike with a baby, I haven't yet been on the flip side of a move. And I am old enough to never say never. Because all the money and pain and emotional turmoil and anticipation that goes into bringing a child into this world is all but forgotten just a few months later. When you forget how uncomfortable and painful it was to get your baby here, and you begin to sleep more because they sleep more, and you have that sweet, gummy smile and soft baby head to hold and love, you change your mind and think "I would totally do this again!" But I am going to stick with what I know and say that as far as moving goes, it will take an act of God to get us to be willing to do this again. 

11. You want to show it off to everyone! This person-slash-place you have been talking about for weeks and months, it's finally here! We are so enamored, we are blind to the sleepless nights-slash-green carpet and endless diapers-slash-overgrown yard. We are just thrilled to have made it to this point and share it with others, we don't care what state we-slash-the home are in! At least that's what I hope it's like. So stop by and see us! And bring a casserole.....

*At least, it is if you have pregnancies like I do. If you hit the 37 week mark and can still tie your shoes and bend over to pick things up off the floor, then I'd like to argue that you've never really been pregnant. 

Missional vs. Missions

"For this is no way they have chosen themselves, no undertaking of their own. It is, in the strict sense of the word, a mission." Bonhoeffer, Cost of Discipleship.

There has been an interesting amount of chatter on blogs and evangelical media websites buzzing about this word "missional". It introduces a nuanced word to shift our thinking from missions (noun) to missional (adjective). 

And I have to say, I am totally on board with the shift. Because I think it's what Jesus called his disciples to: be missional. Not "do" missions; be missions. It should ooze from a follower of Christ, just like kindness, compassion, repentance and forgiveness of others should as well. Missionality is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, a part of love, joy, peace, patience...

This Friday, I have an opportunity to be missional in a brand new way for me. Our church, Grace Church, has established a partnership with an organization in Kenya. Four teams a year are sent, usually 2 medical and 2 teaching trips. I am one of 17 leaving in less than 48 hours to help with a medical clinic that will be hosted near Kiawara Baptist Church, North of Nairobi. 

I have nothing to do with the medical field, except I take medicine and go to the doctor's office occasionally. I believe that God calls each believer to live outside of themselves and their comfort for the sake of the Gospel, even though in the world's eyes (read: check-out lady at Trader Joe's) it seems non-sensical for me to go on this trip - because what do I have to offer the team and God?? - it makes much sense to God's kingdom. And that's the kindgom I should be concerned about, not my own.

Pray for us. Pray for the nations.

image: Kim DeLoach Photography

Mary Monday: Hair Confession

Look at me! It's Monday again, and I actually remembered my new resolution of writing weekly via the Monday posts. First step: figure out how to make the time to jot thoughts into the week. Second step: make said thoughts coherent. 

Second step will be a long time coming.

On to another "thing" I do; or don't do: 

I don't wash my hair (often). True story.

My hair used to be straight and shiny smooth, blow dry it and go, and I coulda pulled off Rachel-from-Friends-in-1995 hair, but in 1995 I was too young to have that hair cut. 

Here is the only digital picture I have of my straight hair:

And that's our dog, Belle, when she was a puppy. I promise she's not dead there. 

At some point shortly after I got married, my hair started to curl. And now this is what it looks like when I blow dry it:

After a few years of trial and error, asking other trusted curly-haired friends how they keep their curls, someone told me about the book, Curly Girl, by Lorraine Massey. 

This book changed my hair's life. It's basically like the Oil Cleansing Method for your hair. The idea that your body naturally produces oil, and when we wash with detergents - which is what most of our commercial soaps are - it completely strips your hair and then overproduces oil, which is what leads some people to feel like they need to wash their hair even twice a day. A vicious cycle. 

I wash it with paraben free shampoo twice a week, the other days I either don't wash it or use conditioner to wash it. Yes. It sounds like rubbing oil in your hair. But it's not. Because it's soft and not fuzzy, bouncy but not heavy. And since I hate to get ready, I love that I only need to wash my hair 2x a week. It makes me more willing to get out of bed when I know I don't have to "do" my hair. I'd just rather use that time for other stuff. Like drinking coffee.

You can read all about how to tweak the method for yourself and your hair personality. Most people have some kind of wave to their hair, so I think that most people's hair can benefit from this practice.  I am not necessarily a Curly Girl purist - but I do what makes my hair do what I want. Here is my "routine", and I will share with you the products I use as well:

- wash hair with paraben free shampoo (I use EveryDay Shea, a big 32oz. bottle for $9.99 that lasts me about 3 months)

- rinse shampoo, add a big blob of conditioner (Tea Tree Triple Treat by Giovanni or Yes! To Carrots, both at Target for $7.99 and $8.99, respectively) and start at ends and work up to roots. 

-rinse conditioner, squeeze excess water out, and squeeze drips with a microfiber towel (I use an old 50/50 tshirt. Gross? Meh....)

-here is where I spend my money: DevaCurl hair gel. It's $18.95 for a 12oz. bottle.* 

That's it. I don't blow dry (except my bangs), I never brush my hair, I only diffuse in the winter when it's cold and my hair is still dripping before heading out the door, and I don't use curling wands** or irons or other hot things. I told you, I really hate getting ready.

Why I love this method:

• ZERO split ends. Even going 4 months between hair cuts.
• No more dry, flaky, itchy scalp.
• No more fuzzy hair. 
• Very little maintenance and product and equipment. (cha-ching)
• Products that are good for my skin and hair, not harsh and scary.
• Happy hair = more time to think about other, more important things (dinner and carpool line).

This method may not be for you, but I think it's fun to try new things. The book is helpful and full of info, it's worth the read: I picked it up at the library! And this routine and the products are my favorites, but was born over a couple of years of trial and error. My hair may look the same every day, but when I like what it looks like most days, then I am okay with it being the same...

And for the record, I feel funny having so many images of myself on this post. 

Happy Monday!

*BUT, it does not have all that wax in it that builds up on your scalp and makes your scalp itchy. And also doesn't make your waves crunchy, but soft. I also don't dye my hair, and get it cut just 4x a year, so there's money there that I use for product instead.

**even though i recently witnessed what a wand can do to curls after a few days of not-washing. magical. and kinda want one.

White Noise

Lately, I feel like no one hears me. I say things. Out loud. But no one responds. Like white noise. It's there as background, to drown out the other noises. 

I talk about these things all the time, but no one is listening to me:

"Stop licking stuff."

"Don't use your shirt as a napkin again."

"The dog does not need more water when her bowl is already full. Get the paper towels and clean it up."

"Do not balance your plate like a waiter and try to sing. We do not live on Broadway."

"Get your arm out of there."

"Put your gum back in your mouth."

I now understand how Phoebe felt:

Mary Monday: Premiere and the OCM

Mary Mondays is my stab at getting myself to write weekly. I am hesitant for several reasons:

1. Mary Monday posts will most likely be written on Tuesday nights, or Saturday mornings. Not Mondays like I want. Because I am not perfect.

2. It could expose that I am weird. Everyone's weird. But I have found that I do/say/try things that make some people second guess our relationship, or respond with "hmmm..." or "ew." Like my friend, Mary.*

Without further adieu, may I present the inaugural Mary Monday Post:

I wash my face with oil. True story.

Once a Neutrogena loyalist, I have used their Deep Clean face wash since college. After years of adolescent and pregnancy related acne - I started wearing makeup when I was 10 because of my acne - I have used everything any dermatologist can throw at me. Name it, I have used it, save one or two of the biggest guns on the market. 

For those of you out there with similar stories, the idea of rubbing oil on your face probably triggers nightmares, ending in going to the store for a lifetime supply of concealer. Not only are you supposed to rub the oil on your face, it actually cleans your face. For reals.

I didn't diss the Deep Clean because I was unhappy with it. Like I said, it has worked for me for years. But I couldn't quell the curiosity behind the Oil Cleansing Method (official name) and couldn't help myself from trying it. All I needed was a bottle of cold pressed castor oil for $6.99, just $.79 more than my beloved Deep Clean. This new regimen has been part of my evenings for over 3 weeks now. A small container with 5 Tbsp of oil has lasted me 2 weeks. A little goes a long way! Cha-ching!

You can read all about how I got started on The Healthy Diaries blog, but my main loves right now are:

• smaller pores on nose, cheeks, chin
• no moisturizer needed (cha-ching)
• less breakouts, smaller blemishes
• blemishes disappear within 2 days
• even skin tone (read: makeup-less and not scared)

I plan on sticking with it for at least 6 weeks; I figured since my skin certainly hasn't gotten worse and actually is improving, I have nothing to lose by continuing my experiment. Want me to keep you posted? (pun intended) I am happy to be your guinea pig on this one. 

I have another friend that told me she wasn't going to even entertain the idea of trying it until I had a month under my belt and she got back from a 12 day tropical vacation with her hubby. Can't blame her! Would love to hear your feedback and thoughts, and even your own skincare that has worked for you. We can just pretend we are all in our jammies drinking coffee and sharing about it in person to make it more fun.

Happy Monday!

*After a weekend away with two of my favorite girls, spending time snacking and talking and washing our faces before bed, my friend felt a sense of betrayal for not knowing some of the ins and outs of a certain regimen, or not knowing very important information about how to flatten your tummy after having babies. "WHAT?!?! You must post things like this on your blog so I can know this stuff! Why do you know this and didn't tell me!?!"