An Anniversary: A Mini-Rant and Reflection of Our Life Since October 2008 (or could be titled "Why God, Why!??")

The picture is just to make it interesting. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the post.

One year ago yesterday, it was a glorious fall day, much like yesterday's weather. Nancy was still a baby (at 18 months), I was still figuring out how to homeschool my kindergartener, and we were enjoying a picnic lunch on a beautiful afternoon. Ahh, bliss.

One year ago yesterday was also the day I flooded our bedroom trying to wash a loofah in the bathroom sink. We had so many people come to our rescue to help us clean up my mess - my brother Ray and sister-in-law Heather, Lee Anne Cavin, Kim DeLoach and her wonderful dehumidifier, my parents for letting us crash at their place, Sean Weiland for getting us a very good discount on insulation....I remember the details very vividly. Reflecting on what we were doing a year ago caused me to think about what else has transpired over the year following "the great flood":

The night we returned from the beach with the Keevers last year, my brother and his wife announced they were expecting their first child! And we still hadn't ordered the photos from their wedding yet! I was 2 weeks behind on ornaments, Ryan's work laid off several people almost immediately after the Lehman Bros. fiasco, I got sick before Thanksgiving, turned 30, Ryan and Kate were sick on my birthday, Holiday Fair and weekend in Tryon with girlfriends, Christmas (and one of the best Christmas Eve's EVER), sinus infection #1 at beginning of January, weekend in Tryon with girlfriends from college, Nancy and I sick at end of January, more layoffs at Ryan's work, Kate's broken arm and flu in the same weekend in February which caused us to miss a wonderful leader's retreat in Flat Rock, March was Ryan moving home from the office to work out of our bedroom, Cohen's First Birthday!! and Concert With Cohen. April and May were relatively normal, finishing up school and having a Kindergarten graduation. I started working parttime at the church in May. Sinus infections #2 and #3 hit in May and then July, and I am currently nursing one. Our summer was not the lazy, relaxing one we had had the year before, though, and I wonder if it was me, and just my attitude?

It is so easy for me to look back and think of all the things that didn't go the way that I wanted them to...almost everything! There were many happy moments, but my frustration at the bad ones overshadowed the joy in the good ones. Am I so stubborn and blind to my selfish ways that it takes an entire 12 months of things not going my way that I finally realize that God is trying to tell me something? I was never good at discovering themes in Lit class. And do I believe that because life didn't go the way I wanted it to, it was all wrong? Yes, and I had a miserable year. Not because what happened was miserable, but because for every moment that went differently that I thought it should, I spent feeling sorry for myself and my family and lived like God was against us instead of for us.

Our past year has just been life, real life. Why am I surprised that it went the way it did? So we were sick some and were financially stressed. I can't remember any year since we've been married that didn't look pretty similar to this one, but for some reason this year, I took it all very personally. What it's come down to is this: is God enough for me? Even though life happens and it doesn't seem fair, is He enough for me to trust with the good and the bad, the hard and the super-easy-convenient, and believe that it's all part of His plan for His glory, and doesn't really have all that much to do with me? He has shown me, beginning last October with the biggest mess I've ever made, that I treasure comfort, ease and my own agenda more than I do Him and even my friends and family. I find more self-worth in what I can accomplish in a given day or week than who I am in God. It has been a hard and humbling lesson to learn. Here's hoping and praying I only have to learn it once.......so I can check it off my list.

Ryan Turns 30!

Ryan turned 30 on October 2, and the beginning of us being the same age for 58 days. We had a fun steak dinner on the porch on his birthday, and I was so proud of myself for cooking, since I had not cooked much because all food makes me nauseous. The next weekend we reserved a shelter at the park and grilled and had friends come and play and visit. I hope I did him right by his big day, even though he is very easy to please. I felt pretty guilty about feeling sick all the time and not having the energy to "do it up right", like I threatened to before I got pregnant. Luckily we'll have many more birthdays to do it up.

Here's a mini-quasi-public shout out to my man to say I love you, and you are the best thing to me on this earth. I'll bring it at next year's birthday.

Kate and all her friends were just dying to stick their faces in this ginourmous cake.

The birthday boy and "Nanners".

Our nephew, Spencer!

Daddy's annual birthday carrot cake. And 30 candles, of course.

Happy Birthday!!

NC Burnseses

At the end of August, we traveled up to Boone to visit the NC Burns Family. Ryan's brother Scott and his wife Carol live there with their kids, McKenzie, Paige, Lauren and Zach. Every arrival invokes a shriek-fest from the big girls - they love each other so much! We had a great time spending time with them and meeting some of their friends and staff from their church.

Scott is the Student Pastor at their church, and he and Ryan ran a brutal 4 mile race Saturday morning in the drizzly mountain weather. Carol and I had a very pleasant morning eating pancakes with the kids while Scott and Ryan were up and out of the house by 6:30am. I was planning on racing, too, until I caught word that regular runners in the church called the race a death wish. I thought it best to not set myself up for failure on this one. I think Ryan won (against Scott), but only by one-one-hundredth of a second or something ridiculous like that. But he also did get beaten by a 66 year old man. They spent the rest of the weekend walking around jelly-kneed and complaining about their legs hurting.

We crammed a lot into 36 hours - pancakes and a road race, picnic lunch at the park, ASU Fan Day, grilled out dinner, and church the next morning. A very busy weekend with 6 kids and 4 adults! It was really fun!!

Nancy enjoying the slide. With gum.

Zach. He's not unhappy, I swear. He's just observing.

McKenzie, Kate, Lauren and Nancy

We went to the App State Family Fan Something Appreciation Day. This is their mascot, I can't remember his name. He's a mountaineer... and Kate is busy choking Nancy.

See, he's happy!

Thanks for letting us come and stay with you!

Killing time before we leave for church.

5th Annual Sky Top Trip

This was our fifth annual trip to Sky Top Orchard in Flat Rock, NC, and our second annual with the Wieland family! Since I'm blogging this 3 days before Christmas but this even occurred on October 3rd, I think I remember it was a beautiful day but was slammed with people because there had been 4 or 5 weekends of rain, so everyone had the same idea we did.

We did not get our usual photo of the 4 of us with the mountains in the background, I think i was too tired and there were too many people and not enough apples, so I was bent on getting our buckets full before the kids had a meltdown. In situations like this, I always romanticize the event, but in reality it ends up being what feels like a race against the meltdown/tantrum/hunger clock. On outdoor pick-your-own events, Nancy's good for 15 minutes, and then just wants us to hold her. Since she weighs in at 32 pounds, that's easier said than done! The Wielands keep us grounded, though, with Sean's antics and Stacey's clumsiness - hopefully we can do it again next year. But a bushel of apples? TOO MANY!

I love how Nancy is loving on the "Cortland" sign. We told her to hug it like it was our friend Cort!

See? They are so fun!

Does Anyone Need a Fix?

I don't really have any photos to go along with this post. I have had a couple of comments from friends asking me very nicely to please post something because they have nothing to do at 5:30am or 11:30pm. I am so thankful for bored friends, at any hour of the day.

School is going different. Different than I thought it would be, and much harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be an adjustment, I just thought it would all be good adjustments. I imagined the second week being our "power through" week of being emotional and tired, but those things seem to have perpetuated themselves into week 3. We have realized that Kate gets sad on Sunday or Monday evenings, saying she doesn't want to go to school because she misses being at home playing with Nancy and misses Daddy. No, she doesn't say much about missing me. No, that does not hurt my feelings.

The eve of the first full week of school we had a very sad Kate come out of bed and tell us "I used to eat 3 meals a day with you, but now I only eat 2!!!" (add many "boo-hoo"s at then end of most of her statements and you can get a feel for how the conversation really went). We had a sweet conversation with her, though, about how God is always with her, and He can comfort her when she is sad. Also, we reminded her about last year, and how we felt God asked us as a family to do homeschool and even though we weren't excited about it every day, we still needed to choose to trust that God had led our family right where He wanted us; and the same applies to Brushy Creek. It was a conversation we would never have had if she were home this year; I would be breathing down her neck about her handwriting and math skills and controlling every step of the way and not letting her make mistakes. Instead, we all have a little (first-grade sized) pain and heartache, and learn to depend on God more.

One funny thing she said to me after the first day of school was this:

Me: Hey, Kate, did you ever find yourself talking and praying to God today while you were at school?

Kate: No. I pretty much could do everything by myself so I didn't need His help.

This just floored me. Absolutely. Not because I was surprised. But that my 6-year-old summed up in just a few words our human struggle with independence. God doesn't want us to need His help. He wants us to need Him, for who He is and all He is. Reminds me to change my prayer from "Lord, help with this, and this, and oh yeah! this." to "Lord, help me want You even if I don't need anything!! Just for the sake of knowing You more!"

We did venture up to Boone for a weekend in August to visit Ryan's brother and family. We had a great time, and I'll post some of those pictures soon. Nancy started mom's day out once a week, so she is loving feeling like a big girl in school like Kate, and I am luh-ving the 5 hours all to myself every Thursday. If you call and I don't answer, it's because I am scrubbing something clean or running. Don't take it personally.

"The Best Day of My Whole Life"

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who called to check in on me on Meet the Teacher night and the First Day of School! I feel very loved and supported! Kate did great! And I did too.

Her teacher's name is Mrs. Birckbichler (Burke-bickler) but she tells the students to call her Mrs. B. The night before school started, Kate was putting on her pjs and dancing around in her room and I heard her say "The first day of first grade is going to be the best day of my life! I can't wait for second grade!!" Aren't we always looking forward to the next best thing?

I was up around 5:30 this morning, fixed some muffins, drank some coffee so I'd be pleasant to Mrs. B, got a quick shower and dressed, and heard Kate up at 6:45. She went ahead and got dressed and ready, and we ate breakfast together (Nancy too), we packed her lunch together, took some photos, and we were off at 7:35! Kelly, you were right. Goodbye lazy mornings!

First Grade! Mrs. Birckbichler's class.

Julia was gracious enough to coach me through the drop off this morning. We met at a friends house that lives across the street from the school, parked and all walked in together. Julia has a 2nd grader and Kindergartener. I love this shot of the kids walking in together!

Kate at her desk! She sits in the front of the room - I'm wondering when she'll begin to need glasses? Totally anticipating that at some point. She walked right into the class, said good morning to the teacher, hung her backpack up, put on her badge, and sat at her desk and waited for the day to begin! We hugged her and said "Have a great day!" She didn't even get up from the desk to hug us, and said "See ya later!"

Can you see her way in the background? Behind the green box on the desk in the back? I took this from the classroom door. She looked so small to me, and alone. But she doesn't ever consider herself alone I don't think. I don't either, and when I am alone, I relish it. This is the point of the morning where I felt obligated to shed a maternal tear or two; I have a feeling that will come later, after she's gone day after day, and I begin to miss her. Today, I just got TONS of stuff done and had fun with Nancy!

After I picked her up, we went to Sonic for half price slushies and she showed me her worksheets. On the way home, here is our conversation:

K: "Mrs. B isn't like I thought she would be."

M: "What did you think she would be like?"

K: "You know how ladies have short hair? She has long hair. And sometimes even puts it up in a ponytail!"

M: "Is that all?"

K: "Um, she's kind. I thought she'd be, um, I don't know how to say it."

M: "Mean?"

K: "No...."

M: "Like a mom?"

K: silence.....

Nancy's concerned face. Her chair was wobbly.

First Grade Eve Dinner

Peaches, Tomatoes and Zinnias

I do not like hot weather, but have come to appreciate all the things that come with the peak of summertime. My favorites are peaches (I think we've bought and eaten a bushel these past 2 months), tomatoes and the zinnias and sunflowers in our yard. These flowers I plant every year for 3 reasons:

1. My mom gives us the seeds. It would be a waste not to plant them!

2. It is one of the few things I consider a "success" in our yard, so I get a gardener self esteem boost by planting them.

3. I love to bring in cut flowers and to share them with friends. This makes all the work on the front end worth it.

Tomatoes, trying to ripen. I haven't ever grown real ones, except for grape ones, so the thought of too many tomatoes makes me happy.

Every year after we put our seeds in the ground and the seedlings sprout, I think that we don't have quite enough seeds, so I go buy a couple of more packets. I think this year I learned my lesson: we always have enough seeds!

Ryan is a ham. So is Kate. I can blame so much on him. And those are Mexican sunflowers, bright orange.

Gardener in training?

An idea of where the garden is in our yard and how many flowers we have. It's not a huge space, but it gives us more flowers than we can use, so we give most of them away, which is the most fun part of it for me!

A bucketful for Laura B's shower, and so gratifying to think they were seeds in our garage just 4 months ago!